She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize