woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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