i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
