Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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