I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
