I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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