Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
