VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
