Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
