so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
smell my finger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
