You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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