Your dad touched me again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
