The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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