They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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