Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
