do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
