she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
