Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
