Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
