wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
