Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
