Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
