either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
