Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize