you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
