Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
