It's Friday. Sex?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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