..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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