after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
