dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
