my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
