I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize