That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
