My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
