i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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