Christians are straight up FREAKS
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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