She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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