using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize