Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
