i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
