He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
