Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize