That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
