Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
