At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
