Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Everything about him screamed your future.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize