i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
