K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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