i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
