I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
