i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
