I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
