"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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