Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
