ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
