he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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