TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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