my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
