You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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