this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
