How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
did you just send me my own nude
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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