i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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