I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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