omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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