I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
