I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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