I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
