He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
