Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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